First Love
My first boyfriend was my second choice:
Beth got Terry Bachman so I got Billy Cook
whose jaw hung, his tongue showing.
I looked down on Billy: girls were taller
in seventh grade. I wore his ID bracelet
and a motorcycle cap with his initials.
When we hugged, he smelled like Ivory soap,
his cheek smooth and soft— a Norman Rockwell boy.
Walking me home from school he carried my books,
and looked forward to a kiss at my door.
I knew he was trustworthy and true,
reliably mine, but Billy didn’t know me:
hungry to have what I didn’t have,
desperate to escape childhood,
fated for freedom and heartbreak.
I had met a tall guy who drove a Ford;
his cheeks were sandpaper rough
and he French kissed.
And on this day on my front porch,
when Billy handed me my books,
I handed him his ID bracelet
and watched his face redden, his eyes tear,
hurt bursting his seams. We both cried,
soap-opera style, and Billy ran home.
In my room, I draped myself over my bed,
like an actress far away from home,
pained, and in love with drama.
(Published in Porter Gulch Review)