Even if I didn't formally study anthropology beyond a Bachelor's Degree at UCLA, and worked as a deputy probation officer after graduation, I kept my mind 'wet' the past fifty years by following anthropological studies in a mix of journals and catching updates as presented via TV — i.e. the Discovery, Learning, and National Geographic channels. Therefore, after retiring and settling in mid-state California, I caught a notice in a science journal that offered interested parties a chance to join an archeological expedition in the Middle East. True, I'd have to pay, and couldn't afford more than three weeks plus a few days travel time. I had to yield to my impulse in that the opportunity morphed into an obsession that dominated my psyche – an addendum to my bucket list.
What attracted me foremost about the initially recovered objects related to the likelihood that a new civilized zone might well predate the Sumerian/Egyptian/Grecian models. Moreover, initial excavations over a broad area uncovered impressive stone structures with mysterious writings that challenged linguists and cryptologists. Any day they expected a breakthrough. I had to go even if my venture required taking a second mortgage.
I'll leave out the countless details of transportation, plus the bureaucratic hurdles I went through, and present the meat of the research outlined within hours of my arrival. Don't bother looking for the list of expert scholars involved. Allow me to summarize a few of the early findings. Moreover, even if it might be another decade before any final judgments might be offered, it is my opinion that some conclusions can be offered based on initial analyses. I might add here that the linguists had broken the glyphic languages sufficiently to undertake a cautious and preliminary translation of what took place where and when.
Two major sites had been unearthed. The western one received the label, Iraqistan. Two huge stone warehouses held huge forges and molds obviously designed for the production of weaponry. Furthermore, work crews exposed hordes of items suggesting a definite military orientation.
In the eastern but contemporaneous excavation, material brought to the surface suggested the location functioned as a major trading hub. Obviously, the rulers lived lavishly for at least two hundred years. That location received the tag of Afghastan, with initial surveys suggesting the central palace displayed more opulence and spaciousness than the one in Iraqistan.
Not long after my arrival, great news spread thru the encampment: The writing, even if it had cuneiform suggestions, turned out to be pre-Hebraic with hints of Sanskrit. Much refinement in translations lay ahead, but enough inscriptions on stonewalls and upright blocks of stone monuments allowed a few initial findings . . .
— The majority of the inscriptions related to constant warfare between the two cultural identities. The first few clashes allowed the western kingdom to initially gloat after winning early skirmishes.
— In that a significant distance separated the two primitive nations, the battlefields occurred miles from the their respective administrative centers. Therefore, they both had to contend with serious logistical matters of supplying the troops.
— Deciphering the dates documented that the constant warfare swayed to and fro for almost a decade. Each side supplicated their gods and sacrificed numerous animals to augment their prayers.
— After nine years of decimating one another, disease and drought wrought major devastation to both nations.
Dr Applegate, Chief Project Coordinator, compiled a preliminary report that cautiously proposed that whether through war alone or more through nature, matters between Iraqistan and Afghastan rapidly escalated, enabling the two societies to fade and crumble in a manner resembling the collapse of Mayan Pre-Classic Kingdoms now being uncovered in Meso-America.
Further, Dr. Applegate ———
I can't go on. Dear reader, I simply can't continue this farce. I never went to any archeological dig, not even one of my own making within the squiredom. I confess to fabricating the woof and the warp that started the above saga's weaving. Everything I wrote has no relation to truth. Not that I lied for any evil gain. Allow me to explain.
Awhile back, I penned a fable about two dead kingdoms that perished because of constant warfare. I used different names to disguise Iraq and Afghanistan. Additionally, I attributed the long-term conflict to the vanities of both rulers leading to perpetual stalemates and eventual extinction. I tried to close my effort and conclude with a moral such as those given by Aesop in ancient times. Giving up on the fable, I thought to retell the story, but make it current and pertinent. However, the tale of "Going on a Dig" also resists a solid close and denies a moral to arise. Deep down in my gut, I know that for the second time, my literary effort lacks merit.
Ah, but there's the irony. Having thus failed twice, I now realize that I have a moral:
A writer must first face his/her own vanity before faulting others for theirs.
Weight Loss Progress Report: When I made my New Year's Resolution last December, I weighed 214 # (see Hoppy Nu Jeer, January 2012). My new poundage, effective March 1st has me at 199#.
