Shana and Friend

Moving Elsewhere

by Shana Ogren Lourey

It seems true that we are attracted to what we know.

What if you have known something bad? Does that mean you are drawn back to other bad things? And hence, what percentage of your final actions should be considered your full responsibility? Are you just a lucky bastard if you have a good life? Or do you deserve any of the credit for getting it?

 I’m not saying we are responsible for nothing in our lives. But I am saying that in the end, each of us is mostly just a composit of our relationships with others. What happened with family, friends, strangers, and enemies, can make you who you are.

So who are you? Is it who you want to be?

Our good actions seem to leave others feeling good. Our bad moves can leave others feeling bad. What a responsibility! Do you know you have such influence over others? Is it a blessing or a curse?

Think of what we carry. Like the backpacking angel that monks imagine, we too travel carrying one suitcase and bag after another on the journey. Darkness on your shoulder is so hard to get rid of, but too easy to acclaim.

A friend of mine survived sexual molestation as a child. Darkness then seemed to follow her in life, or perhaps she followed it. She is a survivor. But she is plagued by the shadow of that darkness that hung over her. I don’t know if she will ever be able to escape that shadow. She continues to fight it.

Is darkness contagious? Is that the reason that others tend to close their eyes or ears to us when we carry our dark purses?

I’ve had two deuces that others have been careful to avoid. My cards are: having a miscarriage and the death of a close family member. Some loved ones hesitated to react or reach out after hearing the news. They would say nothing instead of anything, fearing the darkness that surrounded me during those moments. Rightfully so!

We want to protect ourselves from the shadow, yet somehow help and not abandon others that have been hit. Where on the line will you set yourself?