St. Andrew's Abbey is a Benedictine monastery and retreat center in rural Valyermo, California. Father Francis Benedict is a 62 year old monk at St. Andrew's. Abbot Francis allowed me to interview him at the monastery where he lives and serves.
What is a monk?
Someone who dedicates himself to prayer and God.
How long have you been a monk?
43 years.
Were you brought up religiously?
Yes, Catholic. I always believed. It felt very real to me.
How did you know that this was your calling?
I felt attracted to the God thing my whole life. When I was 16 I was ready, but they said I was too young. I was pissed. I was praying and I felt God calling me to be a monk.
What did your parents think when you decided to become a monk?
Mom thought I'd be locked away, be lonely, and not have a life. It was hard for Ma to accept. She ultimately said, “I still don't understand what you're doing, but you're the happiest of my children, so that's okay.”
So, what is your average day like?
- 5 times prayer.
- 2 times meditation.
- Thinking of God all day.
- Playing games and having conversations.
- Usually all meals eaten together (with all monks and retreat visitors).
- I live in a private room.
- I go to sleep by 9:00 p.m.
- Reading (mostly books on faith and religious materials, but sometimes existential/intellectual stuff)
- I call people.
What is the hardest part of being a monk?
The Vow of Obedience that we take to the Abbot (the spiritual father of the monastery) – to always follow another's vow of judgment, not your own. Also, living with people who aren't always easy to live with.
How so?
The unfinished psychological business of a lifetime explodes here. Negativity can be projected. Sometimes you get saturated with the problems of others. I take a little rest, and relax from it.
Do monks go to a different place than others when you die?
Hopefully we all go to God.
Is it correct that you are not allowed to have romantic relationships? Was that part of being a monk ever hard to accept?
You feel romantic feelings, but you can't act on it.
Is masturbation allowed?
Masturbating does happen, but it's not supposed to.
Did you ever fall in love?
Yes.
Did you ever regret pursuing monk life?
Yeah, in my mid-30's, I felt the loss of not being a parent and father. I had romantic leanings, but not being a parent was what I regretted most. In my late 20's, I was in South Africa, and it made me want to be a father. I had a fantasy I would go back there, get a girl pregnant, and have a kid there. It wasn't sexual – it was parental. I went into therapy over that.
Are there monks in other countries?
There are Christian monks and monasteries, Buddhist, Hindu, Taoist, Zen nuns and monks. There are some people within humanity that just want that life and that solitude.
Are you closer to God because you are a monk?
I think God is close to all of us. When you have that realization, you just do things to be closer to God. Some of us just take that much closer.
