Rev. Nancy Ballinger has lived in Morro Bay with her husband Ron Schow since 1993. As an educator and Marriage, Family and Child Therapist she taught internationally for 10 yrs. with Quest International, consulted with alcohol treatment programs, served as Children's Bereavement Counselor for Hospice of SLO and had a private practice until 2000.
In 1996 Nancy entered an interfaith seminary, and in 2000, graduated and was ordained. Since her ordination, ministry has been her full time work - offering counseling, classes, worship services, retreats, meditation, weddings, memorials, and more.
As the Spiritual Director and founding minister of AWAKENING Interfaith Spiritual Community in Morro Bay, she brings a rich background in Eastern and Western spirituality and philosophy, and an inspiring message of living an authentic life to one's fullest potential.
Mural & Peace Pole at Awakening
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Finding the Sacred in Everyday Life
Nancy Ballinger
"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love."
Jalludin Rumi
The only art on the walls in our home when I was growing up was Dad's paint-by-number oil paintings. I still remember one with a winter scene, and one with a sailing ship with masts and sails. Dad was a perfectionist, so his paint-by-number creations were undoubtedly the original artist's dream come true. Here was someone who would meticulously take the time, and had the skill, to bring alive the drawing outlined and stamped on the canvas.
Many years later, the walls of my own home have Dad's art on them. These paintings, however, are beautiful original watercolors he created in the last 10 years of his life. No longer coloring inside the lines that someone else drew, he found his own style and vision. These works became an expression of the man with the brush in his hand. A few days ago I came upon what must have been his last watercolor. The date was just before he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
Dad started painting gates and doorways in the last year of his life. No one, of course, realized at the time the significance in his choice of subject – the portal though which he was preparing to pass. Had he continued to paint someone else's vision of life, Dad would never have had the expression of his own unique journey and we would not have the gift of his legacy and vision.
The indigenous people say we all have special medicine – unique gifts that each of us bring to the world. They recognize the inherent value of each life and the truth that there is no one exactly like us to be found anywhere else. Therefore, it is essential for each of us to be - us – not some picture of us that has been created by others that we follow.
Looking at my own life I realize I lived by-the-numbers for many years. I tried to stay inside the definitions of what I thought others expected of me – a canvas not of my own creation. I knew there was more inside of me than I was expressing, but didn't know how to access the "mustard seed" that Jesus talked about - the smallest of seeds lying dormant inside me – waiting.
Then I began to meditate. Not every day. Sometimes just for a few minutes. Yet, little by little, in time and almost imperceptibly, my attention began to shift. Gradually the still small voice of inner knowing began to become more compelling than the ego's critical voice shouting inside my head. I realized the ego attempts to rule our lives by fear and competition with others. The soul rules by love and wisdom of the highest good.
If we are going to allow the masterpiece of our lives to express through us, a radical recalling and reclaiming of our original medicine – our authentic selves - is required. Rumi counsels us: "Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love."
As our life becomes more and more spiritually integrated, we experience the joy of living from the love that can only express through us.
Today, October 20, 2009, as I finish this column, I celebrate the nine-year anniversary of my ordination. I can honestly say that ministry was never anywhere on my list of things-to-do. I had a successful career and a deeply personal spiritual life that seemed to be working fine. Then, one day while brushing and flossing my teeth, I knew that I was to do something in ministry. Just like that! No stained glass windows or organ music. Even though it didn't make a lick of sense, my heart knew that just as my father had to learn to trust his inner inspiration and direction to paint, I had to let go of my limited ideas about life and myself and allow myself to be led by something greater.
Not long after my teeth brushing call to ministry, I learned about an interfaith seminary and started in the fall of that year. For four years I commuted to San Jose while working full-time at my private therapy practice and with children at hospice. I'm certainly not a type-A personality or the most brilliant of scholars, and I had more than my share of insecurities about all of it. Yet, since my ordination nine years ago, I have never doubted that I am in exactly my right place doing what I'm here to do . . . even when I don't have a clue what to do or how to do it.
"It is better to do one's own work, even if imperfectly, than to
do the
work of another, even if done perfectly". Bhagavad Gita
During this season of Thanksgiving, our thoughts turn to gratitude for all that we have been given. The greatest gift we are given is the gift of life. So often we take our lives for granted. It is not until a crisis that we begin to wonder why we are here and to look within for answers. I had asked for answers about life for years, but always looked to the wrong sources. I had looked to others and my fearful ego mind for solutions that could only be found within my heart.
There I found gratitude for the learning and compassion that only comes from making mistakes. I saw how they prepared me for ministry, rather than disqualifying me. My dad learned to look beyond his insecurity and to stop comparing himself with others in order to own and generously share his talent as a watercolorist. Whether our work is within our own family, a career, or a volunteer position really isn't what matters. Sometimes our career isn't what brings us bliss, but helping our neighbors is our "original medicine" and our gift to share.
In closing, this is what I would like to share from my life experience.
1. We don't get the whole plan up front when we live from the soul. It is a continual unfolding. Every day is a chance to awaken to the pure potential of our lives.
2. Being guided by our authentic self, which some call the "soul" or "heart wisdom," requires quiet time and a surrendered heart to listen.
3. Living from inner wisdom asks us to have a willingness to let go of limiting, pre-conceived ideas about ourselves. For example, Instead of saying, "I'm not good at ___ ," say "Up until now, I have not been good at _____." This small shift in thinking and what we say about ourselves opens a world of possibility to us.
4. There is a force for good in our lives that sustains and supports us in being who we are here to be and in bringing our original medicine to the world. Living more authentically is energy conserving because we are in the flow of grace and are living in harmony with life's way.
5. It is good to say "thank you" every day for life – and then LIVE.
Songs of the Soul
Women's Retreat Day with Rev. Nancy Ballinger
November 7, 2009 10:00am - 4:30pm
Experience the joy of resting and delighting in the exquisite beauty of the soul through
drumming, movement, chanting, laughter, reflection, and time in nature & community.
Pre-registration Required
For more information or to register Awakening InterFaith.org
Rufous Hummingbird image on banner by Mike Baird. |
