Abe
In that "Dear Abe" speaks as George Zidbeck's alter ego, know that both share the same background. For those interested, H. (Honorable) Abe refers you to earlier issues wherein Mr. Zidbeck wrote monthly under the pen name of Country Squire from Feb. 2010 thru April 2013. (See Archives)
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Dear Abe
by George Zidbeck
SP from No. County: I'm not into any formal, organized religion. Live and let live you might say. But, I've got a co-worker who, during our lunch breaks, often behaves like a preacher and all the time tells us about Jesus, heaven and hell, and how angels and cherubs have wings. Do they? And does it matter?
Abe: To put it simply, I don't know. Further, I don't care. Your query prompted my introducing the question to illustrate that good olde Dear Abe has no clinical or theological answers to those troubled by such issues. If that wannabe pastor uses the lunch period to save the souls of his co-workers, find someplace else to lunch. Otherwise, put a bible on the table and ask him to be quiet so you can — even in pretense — read 'the good book' in peace.
WK from NE: I'm two generations past being a beach boy living in Redondo Beach as an adolescent. After graduating from high school in Torrance, California, I moved to the prairie to make a new life for myself. Now well into my middle age, I see myself returning to California as a retired widower. Is there a time and a place where someone virile like myself can best meet the ladies? (Italics added by Abe to alert the readers to my doctoring WK's original phrasing. If his words were left untouched, some women readers might have concluded the man exemplified misogyny, and thence will pay no mind to my answer below.)
Abe: Had you stayed in California , you'd still be a beach boy, and know the hot spots. Lots can take place in forty years. What to tell you today? Suggest you start in San Diego and work northward? You should still have a sense of California's beach settings. So, Mr. Virility, you know Nebraska. Stay there to find 'the ladies.' Hopefully you'll find a keeper and then bring her out to California for an extended honeymoon where you can walk the shores of all the beaches above and experience a trove of shared experiences. When you get up to San Luis Obispo County, look me up. I'll volunteer to be your tour guide for at least two days with B&B a part of the package. Why such generosity? Because I expect to get a story out of your trip.
VW from Mid-State: I'm not a bird expert, but I can tell the difference between buzzards and hawks and eagles. Ever since I moved four years ago, those black buzzards — as many as half a dozen sometimes — just keep circling over my neighborhood. Almost every day. They never land anywhere near where I can see them. Maybe some people think I worry over nothing, but I'm worried anyway. Might their circling be an omen? What's up?
Abe: Without knowing you personally, I can yet confidently tell you to put your fears aside. Those birds are not harbingers of any future mishap. Without question you live in an area that offers great thermals to those high flyers that can thus stay aloft with minimal energy. Get a pair of binoculars and a comfy chair outdoors and watch the show. Allow their aerodynamics to calm your troubled mind. Also, be grateful for those special birds that keep our fields free of carrion.
NM from Mid-State: It's not easy to keep my eyes off attractive women. In effect, I'm an ogler. But, I'm worried about overdoing the gazing and thus staring, which I know is bad manners. You got any suggestions on how to keep my eyes on target without the comely lasses getting uncomfortable?
Abe: Sure. And I speak as a pro. As soon as you see a gorgeous lady, take your eyes off her form and look askance just enough to where she remains within your range of vision. No one but you will know that you are admiring her. You might even turn aside as if searching for some landmark before restoring your scan where you expect her to be. Moreover, keep your facial muscles loose – particularly the lips and forehead. By such a 'neutral' observational technique, you can accumulate at least four or five seconds of quality sightseeing. Once she's walked past, you can stop and ogle to your heart's content. Oh, one more suggestion. Wear dark glasses.
Special Posting by Abe re: Health Progress Report on the Country Squire
I may be Squire George Zidbeck's alter ego, but when a calamity befalls him, I am equally afflicted. Here's what happened.
The Squire visited a neighbor in early July and fell flat-faced on a blacktop driveway — the descent only partially buffered by the heels of his hands. His face quickly swelled, with major discoloration along the cheeks and eyebrows. Fortunately, there was only minor bleeding and no stitching was required.
Notwithstanding some rivalry between us, what happens to one, happens to both. WE have now fully recovered. I mention the accident in that some readers may have surmised that Dear Abe wasn't quite himself when composing the material for this month. I now deem myself worthy of fully focusing on any problem you choose to send my way.
PS: For the record, I never fell on his watch. I do hope he walks with the utmost caution from hereon....
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