Do you communicate with god? I thank, yet also curse and blame god, all the time. Some people use prayer, or song, or a book in order to connect with god. I use my own version of a spiritual post office. It is home-aide, as the most important objects usually are.
At about five years old, I wrote god a question. It was simple. I wrote it with a crayon on a ripped off piece of paper and left it overnight on the living room windowsill in Northern Minnesota.
I waited for a response. I am still waiting.
Aren't we all?
Spirituality is enticing because of the mystery. Religion attempts to solve that, or at least, to organize and categorize its parts. I have always been drawn to them both, like a bee to honey.
Both being Jewish and being a philosophy-lover gives me the curse and blessing of almost always ending a situation with a question. If god was represented by one symbol, the "?" would clearly be the most appropriate. I seem to develop more questions the longer I experience, study, and hope for god. I do believe in god – I just don't understand it/him/her. And in no way is that satisfying enough for me to sit with. Belief is not enough.
Oddly (or should I say, "hopefully"), I have concluded that god must have not answered my letter for a reason. I don't know what that reason is. I have no surety that I will ever find out.
How lucky are those results and finale believers! It does sound comforting to have the promise of an eventual answer. Maybe it makes death less terrifying to imagine that at least, in the end, you will get the final response to why things are they way they are. And I think we all guess that there is some good reason, versus a bad reason.
When my parent, Sandee Sue, died a few years ago, I was the one that followed her in my car after the cremation van carrying her. Arriving at the cremation center, I had a last chance to see and touch her before her body left us. I touched her shoulder and said "Good luck."
As I walked away, I wondered, "Luck?! What are you wishing her luck for? The cremation ceremony? Meeting god?" I did not know what else to say because she had embarked on a new step that is so vastly far beyond any challenge I have ever encountered. I had already given her all my love, and hence, luck was all that remained.
My fingers remained crossed; that she, and I, and you, did and will get an answer.
