Under the Tongue

by Christine Neilson

To-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another - Ralph Waldo Emerson

During my UC-Santa Cruz undergrad years in the 1980s, I encountered a range of quirky artistic icons. One was the bespectacled, pony-tailed Santa Cruz hippie Rob Brezsny—an arrogant but likable soul who wrote off-the-wall, entertaining horoscopes. Not the usual "the planets are in alignment" or your "fire sign is burning your ass." No, Brezsny was a satirical astrologer. He'd found his nonsensical niche. Little did I know that his zany astrology column in Santa Cruz's Good Times would open a door for him into an upstart publication when I relocated to the Central Coast. But before I spin that tale, I must set the scene.

All was quiet here on the Central Coast in 1985 when I accepted a newspaper reporter's position with the Atascadero News. I was the only female in the newsroom required to sleep with a police monitor so I could be on the scene asap.  Also, I found it necessary to scramble or squabble with other reporters to cover "hard news" and not be sidetracked into what we call "soft news" in the editorial biz. So I courted Atascadero State Hospital's PR Director, the late Dave Hamilton, to allow me inside the world's largest institution for the criminally insane. It was a dark challenge, but he relented and I was given access to go inside. I completed a six-part series on sex offenders and alternative therapeutic programs, but have to confess it really wasn't in the stars for me to be sauntering down ASH's corridors with risky inmates.

Then it happened. It was 1990. I was freelance writing on the side for a local monthly publication when a tale of betrayal came my way.

The melodrama opens with an innocent trek to Santa Cruz by a humble SLO  publisher. Upon arrival he meanders downtown, takes note of a news stand holding a newspaper with a flashy front page headline and photo. He pulls this Good Times from the rack. Back at his seaside motel room, he flicks through the entertaining pages, tucks it inside his shabby suitcase and heads back to SLO while contemplating how to clone it.  "After all," he quips, "Santa Cruz and San Luis Obispo are both college towns and snagging student readership is wide open . . . there's a developing music, art, and poetry scene here. I could plug in some off-color feature articles and controversial left politics. Stir this town up."

Enters the villian. Before this meek publisher could sketch a layout of a twin publication, one of his editors enters through the staff wings. This cad plucks the budding concept. With a twist of the door knob, he evaporates from the newsroom. He recruits freelancers and a financial backer (his girlfriend) to pursue the dream of a new free alternative paper in town.

Now at this point, you may be asking yourself how am I privy to this information? Well, let's just say I had the inside scoop from both the publisher and the villian.

The villian came a callin'  wringin' his hands with greed.  "How about it if you sell ads purely on commissioin and we'll reward you with a weekly column in our new paper?"

Our interactions were short lived . . . a clash of  journalistic ethics. But our dealings had an upside. I encouraged the aspiring publisher to include Rob Brezsny's horoscope column "Free Will Astrology" in their new publication: the New Times. Done deal. I wrote one column and sprinted away from the upstart paper mongers believing Brezsny could survive the bad karma from a distance. Brezsny's astrology column grew in appeal; from the small demographics of Santa Cruz to the Central Coast to syndication by the mid-'90s.

As for me, I continue to write and be entertained weekly by Brezny's diatribes—at times, confusing, amusing, and incomprehensible . But a recent weekly Free Will Astrology column had an eerie connection. Brezsny spilled out an unsettling prediction for Leo—my sign:

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): "The feats you're pulling off may not appear spectacular to a casual observer. But in my view, they are some of the most interesting accomplishments you've enjoyed in awhile. Here's a brief description of some of your subtly glorious breakthroughs: You've made yourself less susceptible to being manipulated by guilt or pushed around by bullies or fooled by phonies. You're at the peak of your ability to discern the differences between rash risks, motivated by fear and smart gambles driven by authentic intuition."

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