Family Values

by John Bullaro, Ph.D

Most people are born or adopted into a legal family. Some families are large with many children, others are small—as in a one parent family. What we've come to know is that legal families do not automatically make a healthy support group.  As I will argue, there are family bonds greater than legal ties. These meta-families—I call spirit-bonded families—require much more thought and action than just mere chance.

If a person is part of a spirit-bonded family, they should understand that legal ties do not automatically come with spirit-bonded family credentials. It is not a requirement that a member of a spirit-bonded family live in the same household, in the same area, or in the same country. Of course, a legal family can be and often are spirit-bonded families as well.

To illustrate my point I will refer to a man who has built an extended spirit-bonded family through force of kindness, loyalty, intelligence, listening skills, and understanding.  His extended family is composed of people who were his students, colleagues, wife, son and acquaintances, people who loved him, felt his love, and expressed that emotion unabashedly. He influenced all he contacted to share these values. As a result, he became my spirit brother—the only one I ever had. This man will forever be part of my family.

The man's name: Ron Hood. Ron would become the finest outdoor education teacher in America. Ron and I taught in the outdoor recreation program at California State University, Northridge for ten years. We became bonded spirit brothers, sharing wilderness treks together, celebrating good news together and crying together over personal crisis. And yes, we had ego battles, and so forth. At such times we did not speak for weeks. Ron and I readily admitted transgressions, mistakes, or personal blunders. We were able to forgive the other when an apology was offered. 

I met this man on back-packing trip. I was tasked by a senior colleague at the university to evaluate his skill to teach a university class on outdoor recreation education. The man had recently arrived home from two tours of duty in Vietnam as a Special Forces intelligence officer.

Ron and I often referred to each other as "stressed" spirit brothers. "Stressed" spirit brothers because we had strong opinions on issues associated with teaching outdoor recreation which frequently collided. Ron eventually left Northridge and moved with his wife Karen to Coeur d'Alene Idaho where they started a company, Hood's Woods. It became a successful company specializing in making people's lives safer in the woods and in the city. He drew around him an extended family of people who supported each other and never hesitated to say how they felt about Ron or each other. It was a most unusual skill he passed along to people.

Recently Ron and wife Karen launched a magazine, Survival Quarterly. (I recommend you log onto his web site.)

Two months ago Karen called to tell me the "Wood's Master" had passed away. It was unimaginable news. Ron was to me, and others of the family, bigger than life. He was only 67 years old when he passed, leaving a young wife of forty one and a seven year old son, Jesse John Hood.  (His personal time line was never traditional). Ron's death hit me hard because in every sense of the word, I lost a brother.

In the memorial issue of the Survival Quarterly the outpouring of love and grief from people who were associated with him makes a statement that spirit-bonded families are a powerful force in making life good.

Ron's death left a big hole in my life. Hopefully I can be astute enough to develop within my legal family a strong spirit-bond through loyalty, sharing, kindness, and forgiveness.   

Tweets, twitters, Facebook, blogs, IPods, Droids, and cell phones can never replace the soul nurturing feeling one has when being a part of a spirit-bonded family. To find such a family is rare, to build a bonded family is even rarer. But, no matter what form of family you are in—legal or spirit-bonded—displaying the ideals of a spirit-bonded family will fill a large void in life and create a solid and safe base for living.