Abe
In that "Dear Abe" speaks as George Zidbeck's alter ego, know that both share the same background. For those interested, H. (Honorable) Abe refers you to earlier issues wherein Mr. Zidbeck wrote monthly under the pen name of Country Squire from Feb. 2010 thru April 2013. (See Archives)
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Dear Abe
by George Zidbeck
Welcome to the first printing of an advice column, initiated by the alter ego of Mr. George Zidbeck, who retired as a "Country Squire" last month. Only a dozen people sought Mr. Abe's counsel last month – with some mailers requiring professional help. Hopefully, more readers will respond now having a taste of his sagacious responses.
From G.A. in CA:
What's a person to do when the world must be coming to an end? On TV, radio, and in printed media all one hears is bad news around the clock. Horrible events and mass killings. I'm greatly worried and wondering how to keep my sanity.
Abe: You're obviously an intelligent person who likes to stay on top of current events. And you're right. The world is definitely coming to an end. Maybe this year or ten thousand years from now. Until then, let's live one day at a time and eat ice-cream. If you can eat ice-cream with someone you like, that'll be good news. And if you can keep your sanity while enjoying the company and the dessert, you'll see that the world ain't about to go belly-up.
From SP in AK:
I can't lose weight. Correction. I can't stay on a program that'll make sure I won't put the weight back on once I've lost a few pounds. And, please don't talk to me about will power. I'm getting desperate!
Abe: I've walked many a mile in your shoes, and I'm no miracle worker. Moreover, what might work for one person might not for another. However, you might try the following: Get a bush pilot to drop you off with a GPS and cell phone at a remote wilderness lake in Alaska that feeds a long river leading you back to civilization after thirty days of walking. At the end of each day, call in your location so the pilot can drop a 1200 calorie food package. By the time you get back home, you should be at least fifty pounds lighter and used to a smaller food portions. Good luck and let me know if my suggestion works.
From PK in So Cal:
I'm retiring soon from Laguna Hills. Getting too crowded. I'm considering two rural locales off major freeways. 1) Cambria 2) Lost Hills. What's your counsel?
Abe: Guess you never drove north over the Maginot Line known as Los Angeles. When I first looked at your question, I found it difficult to believe anyone would choose Lost Hills for a retirement locale. I'll assume you're sincere in your inquiry, so here goes: Cambria is a fine coastal community on Hwy 1 north of Morro Bay and Cayucos and slightly south of Hearst's Castle. Artsy and sociable with an outstanding spirit come Halloween. It does have one major problem with a consequent major impact: a tight fresh water supply and no Gunga Din on the immediate horizon. You'll have to wait a number of years to build. Or, you'll have to buy a current home listed on the market. Median listing price? Don't ask. Now, as to Lost Hills, leave it lost.
From S.M. in CA:
My husband and I, married for fifteen years, chose to live in a wilderness pocket of the Santa Lucia Range south of Monterey about six years ago. True, we have to be imaginative sometimes in entertaining ourselves. Two years ago my husband started wearing women's clothing. At first I found it amusing, but now I'm getting worried. He recently subscribed to a woman's fashion magazine six months ago, and his affectionate advances have become rare. What can I do to break him of his worrisome habit?
Abe: I'm going to go out on a limb here unless you can get the two of you to start family counseling. Go to town and find a large thrift store. Buy some bib overalls and some man's work boots. Wear them as pajamas to bed. No socks. And start swearing every chance you get. Keep me posted.
From J.E. in FL:
I'm a 30-year-old divorcee. Recently, I read where San Luis Obispo is the happiest town in the U.S.A. Can you be specific about what your area offers to elevate my happiness quotient? Hurricanes and ex's get too close for comfort. But I'm not looking for earthquakes either.
Abe: I'm sorry, Lady, but methinks you are one picky person difficult to please. You live in the Sunshine State that attracts people worldwide, but you want a shortcut to happiness. There isn't any place that's free from weather extremes. Neither can you find a spot devoid of rude, obnoxious ne'er-do-wells. Our 'happy people' have the frames of mind that lead to happiness notwithstanding earthquakes, droughts, firestorms, tourists, and other calamities.
From B.A. in TX:
Hi there, Abe! Sure hope y'all can help me. I'm an Amarillo Texan, 62 years old, who had me a good wife, but she died fifteen years ago. A few years ago, I opened up to the notion of keeping house as it were with a good woman. But I just can't make myself fully committed to the idea. I don't think I'm too particular or demanding. My buddy's wives think I'd make a ‘good catch.'
Abe: Hey, Tex, I like your query. And I think you're sincere to the idea of hitching up. But, let's focus on your not being "too particular or demanding." That sentiment tells me that you're not 100% committed to getting fully involved emotionally on a long term basis. You'll have to get downright serious partner; jes' having the "notion of keeping house" ain't gonna do 'er…..
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